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The Love Style of Dismissive Avoidance

Some partners become elusive or develop a dismissive avoidant attachment style. People with this attachment style are emotionally disconnected from their partners. Their partners receive mixed signals from them wanting more out of the relationship.No matter what you try to do, you can never seek validation from this person. Elusive people belong themselves and no one else. Is your partner elusive? Read on to identify if your partner has dismissive avoidant attachment style and how you can cope with it. 

There are several ways an elusive person will express their behavior. These may be terms you have never heard before but could be of good use knowing. 

Firedooring. This appears when the relationship is one-sided and the person only comes around when they need something. 


Ghosting. When a person leaves without explaining why and usually unexpectedly.


Left on read. When the person has read your message but refuses to reply. 


Submarining. Similar to ghosting, this person pops out of nowhere and pretends as if nothing has happened.


In truth, there may not be much you can do as your partner is not willing to take part in your feelings, emotions and attachment. Yet, there are some important tips to consider. 

Educate yourself on different attachment styles and which ones most relate to yours. This will help you have secure attachments with others. 


Validate yourself to see the truth. This doesn’t mean to blame yourself and your partner. They are not capable of a secure attachment. You are and that’s okay. You know your relationship best. If you can pull through, great. If not, accept it and move on. 

With validation comes boundaries. By seeing the truth, you allow yourself to see the person for who they truly are and what they are capable of. 


Take responsibility for your own feelings. Don’t take account of what you did wrong and what you could’ve done better. The challenge isn’t you, it’s them. Find ways to improve yourself and develop relationships with others. 

Remember, people with this attachment style are scared. They are scared to let their guard down and be met with disappointment and betrayal. They might have been let down by someone they really trusted and because of it they vowed to never trust again. Take it one day at time and , if willing, they will engage with you when they’re ready. 

I am the Founder and CEO of Counseling On Demand with a Master's Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy with over 25 years of experience in helping Individuals, Couples, Adolescents, and Families who struggle with a wide variety of Life's Challenges. I thus have developed an Array of Effective Counseling Tools and Evidenced-Based Interventions to help you towards Your Road to Better Mental Health and Wellness. You are Never Alone...I look forward to meeting with you or your family member soon!