In the past, we’ve talked about the different attachment styles. Attachment styles take a huge toll on romantic relationships as they can lead to misunderstandings, fallouts in relationships and unhelpful coping mechanisms. For most of us, we may not even realize that we have an attachment style until an event or experience comes about. In this article, I talk about avoidant attachment style. Knowing if you have this attachment style can bring change to your approach in adult relationships.
What is Avoidant Attachment Style?
It’s a known fact that all of our attachment styles stem from childhood that lead to adulthood. Parents with this type of style tend to be emotionally unavailable for their children. They reject their children’s needs even if their child is sick. In response, the child learns to avoid seeking comfort in the parent whenever they are upset.
Being a Little Adult
With continued behavior from the parent, many children become little adults. Their defense is to never show a desire for closeness, warmth or love. This leads to complicated relationships later in life. Young children can sense when they don’t want to be around, so their natural response is to mimic the parent and, unintentionally, treat others the way they have been treated.
How Avoidant Attachment Affects Adult Relationships
For one, people with this style avoid vulnerability. When they try to seek support from their partner, they do so in a way that their partner won’t understand such as hinting, complaining and sulking. Since they steer clear from emotions and closeness, it’s the only way they know to communicate. They tune out of arguments, conflicts or stressful situations. This type of behavior can lead to ghosting the other person in order to feel safe and have their needs met.
It Doesn’t Have To Be This Way
If you are a person with this attachment style, note that there is nothing wrong with you. You are wired this way because you haven’t received the love and affection that you deserve. In a way, you are trying to survive and it’s your only defense mechanism. You can grow from your past experiences. Dr. Dan Siegal, clinical professor at UCLA, states that “it’s not the event that happened, it’s trying to make sense of the event. “ He suggests writing a narrative of how you understand your childhood and how it affects you presently. Dr. Siegal has an online course that focuses on building that narrative and gaining emotional resilience. The objective is to rewire your brain so that you can have a more secure attachment within yourself.
Rewriting your narrative is one way of coping with it. Another is through therapy. Counseling on Demand has many mental health professionals that would be more than delighted to help you during these troubling times. Sometimes it takes two to understand a situation. If it’s at your interest, visit our site and speak with a counselor today!