Being the one left behind in a loving relationship is, almost by definition, painful. Rebounding from that relationship can be fraught with its own traps. Consider, also, the one doing the leaving. We explore all three.
Here is my anecdote: 1 “My ex unexpectedly left me after 5.5 years and while I was stunned, I also took it as the time to rebuild my life (because due to my financial dependence, everything was in freefall for me once he bailed). I don’t think he was holding me back. But with him gone, I couldn’t be lazy and let his problems be the center of my life.”
Mary Fenwick’s thoughts, 2 “My own quick check for the difference between sadness and depression involves three P-words – personal (who caused the problem?) permanent (how long will it last?) and pervasive (how much of my life does it affect?). Or follow Joan Baez’s advice: ‘action is the antidote to despair’. Do anything, even if it’s a tiny, silly, wrong thing.”
Mary C Lamia Ph.D. 3 “Moving on can help you to get over what has to be left behind. A person might be considered on the rebound if he or she becomes involved in a relationship that shortly follows the ending of a previous one. Those on the rebound are assumed to be distressed, ashamed, angry, or sad. Consequently, their emotional availability is questioned, as is their capacity to be devoted to a new partner or make good decisions in choosing one. A person on the rebound is not necessarily emotionally unavailable, however, potential new partners, as well as some rebounders themselves, seem to have a lot of anxiety about such circumstances.”
The One Leaving:
Naïby Jacques, 4 “No matter how old I get, no matter how experienced I become, ending a relationship is agonizing. It represents a loss, and losses hurt. Deep down, I know if I go through with it, I’ll feel freer—well, not right away, but in a little while anyway—but I’d rather crawl under a rock and ignore the whole thing.
Sure, it takes courage to break the news to your soon-to-be-ex that you no longer want to go on. I can attest that you’ll doubt yourself. I can attest that you’ll procrastinate. I can attest that you’ll over-think things, wondering if you’ll make a horrible mistake.
But you’ll feel invigorated once you free your mind and use your intuition as your guide.
You are able.
You are amazing.
You are strong.
And you deserve happiness. Whenever you feel stuck and unable to break free, bring up one of the above thoughts to give you strength.
Then imagine your new course, as if you were walking on air.”
Worthwhile advice from the one leaving. Also good for the one left behind. Listen to her from your own agonizing perspective.” You too can recover using this healing perspective.
The Counseling on Demand team stands ready. Healing takes time and practice.
We are online at CounselingonDemand.com
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- Mandyman was registeredat 9:01 AM on December 3, 2013 on, metafilter.com/253033/the-one-left-behind
- Mary Fenwick, co.uk/self/wise-words- Mary Fenwick
- Mary C Lamia Ph.D. Intense Emotions and Strong Feelings, psychologytoday.com/blog/intense-emotions-and-strong-feelings/2013/09/rebound-relationships
- Naïby Jacques, com/blog/9-thoughts-give-strength-end-painful-relationship