In a previous piece, we outlined all attachment types seen in loving relationships. Here we detail the most desirable to be sought- Secure. It all begins in our infancy and ultimately manifests itself in adulthood- especially in our intimate relationships.
Attachment theory began in the 1950s and has since amassed a small mountain of research behind it. Two researchers named Bowlby and Ainsworth independently found that the nature in which infants get their needs met by their parents will determine their “attachment strategy” throughout their lives. Your attachment strategy probably explains a great deal of why your relationships have succeeded/failed in the manner they did, why you’re attracted to the people you are attracted to, and the nature of the relationship problems that come up again and again for you. (Ainsworth, M. S., & Bowlby, J. (1991). An ethological approach to personality development. American Psychologist, 46(4), 333. Cited by Mark Manson.net)
In the Beginning; Secure Attachment (wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment theory)
A toddler who is securely attached to his or her parent (or other familiar caregiver) will explore freely while the caregiver is present, typically engages with strangers, is often visibly upset when the caregiver departs, and is generally happy to see the caregiver return. The extent of exploration and of distress are affected, however, by the child’s temperamental make-up and by situational factors as well as by attachment status. A child’s attachment is largely influenced by their primary caregiver’s sensitivity to their needs. Parents who consistently (or almost always) respond to their child’s needs will create securely attached children. Such children are certain that their parents will be responsive to their needs and communications
In Adulthood; Secure:
People with secure attachment strategies are comfortable displaying interest and affection. They are also comfortable being alone and independent. They’re able to correctly prioritize their relationships within their life and tend to draw clear boundaries and stick to them. Secure attachment types obviously make the best romantic partners, family members and even friends. They’re capable of accepting rejection and moving on despite the pain, but are also capable of being loyal and sacrificing when necessary. They have little issue trusting people they’re close to, and are trustworthy themselves. According to research, over 50% of the population are secure attachment types. (Mark Manson.net)
Regardless of your attachment type, Secure is the type to be sought for a rewarding and long lasting relationship.
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