Many of us have different ways of dealing with breakups. A client of mine went through a difficult breakup that took longer than usual for her to get over. She wrote a letter to her ex expressing what she felt and what she wanted to say to him. I asked if it was okay to share parts of her letter anonymously and she didn’t mind. Sometimes, we forget that we’re not alone in this world and there is someone who is going through the same kind of pain we’re going through. The point of letter writing is not to just release. It’s also about learning something about yourself and the other person.
“I cannot bring into words how bad I feel for you leaving me. For the longest time I have been wanting to talk but I feel that you will simply ignore me. Maybe it’s time I accept that it will never happen. Truthfully, I know I am not the only person you have mistreated. The second you don’t like something in someone, you cut off connection. You look for these fantasy like qualities that are impossible to find in a mate. This is your escape mechanism.I don’t need to be the one telling you that if you don’t stop it you will never settle down. I know you don’t like confrontation and to be honest, who does? First, you would say all these nice things to me and make me believe that you meant them. Then, you dismissed me and you stopped talking to me. When I confronted you about it, you just ignored me. That, my friend, is a form of manipulation in which you are very good at. You come off far insecure than you seem. Did you ever ask yourself why you kept going through the same thing over and over again? No? Are you scared to admit your feelings? If so, news flash-we all get scared of our feelings and admitting the truth. I kind of feel like you know what you were doing and you were okay with it. It’s like you lost faith and hopelessness in love. Was that the problem? That I had feelings for you? Was it too much? Was I too much? I could never know. More so, I always felt that you kept weighing me out. First, you wanted me and then you didn’t. Did you have that little respect towards me that you couldn’t at least have said, “ I can’t do this anymore. I need to breakup with you. Bye.” Would I have been angry? Sad? Confused? Upset? Hell yes…but for 2 to 3 months, not longer . I have wasted so much time dwelling over you. I talked to a friend of mine about you and I told her that I felt something for you yet I didn’t know what that was. That’s how I knew you were different and I still feel that you could be my soulmate. It could have been just been me but I felt that we had some sort of a connection. Your eyes glistened every time you looked at me and that is how I knew you felt something for me. I realized something that could possibly help me let you go once and for all. One morning, I lit up a cigarette and I asked myself, why am I SO attached you? Then, I thought, you filled a void of mine. You fulfilled a need of mine. I was stunned because it took me this long to realize that. Since I know this, then I can begin to slowly let you go. This doesn’t mean I won’t have repressed feelings for you if I feel them. I’m not sure what void or need of mine you filled in for me but whatever it was I don’t need it anymore. I honestly cannot tell you how relieved I am knowing this. You will always be deep in my memory and I will never forget the good times we had. Yet, for my sake, I need to let you go. You are not good for me. Even after this, I still wish we could talk but I can no longer enforce it. If we ever do talk, I just want to let you know that I have no intention of us getting back together. I just simply want us to talk. Maybe if I let you go, I will you also let you in.”
As mentioned before, writing a letter to your ex could be one of the most relieving experiences and allows you to slowly let go of the other person. Of course, there is still going to be some pain and undiscovered emotions. Nonetheless, it’s a start. If you’ve been having difficulty getting over someone and it’s been a while, try letter writing! No, you may not figure out all of your feelings at once but at least you’ll chip away the feelings you have at surface. Slowly, but surely, you will be able to let go. So, what have you learned about yourself? Let us know and schedule a session with one of our counselors. Until next time, au revoir!