How Does it Feel? To live with Severe Anxiety, Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Troubled Relationship?
Eleanor, “I’ve negotiated anxiety in the form of a panic disorder for the last 15 years. Twice, it’s tipped over into a severe depression—the kind that imprisons you in your flat, unable to do anything but watch The Simpsons on YouTube and eat Carr’s water biscuits. Will this be the time it makes me psychotic? Should I call an ambulance? How many sleeping pills would I have to take to sleep for 24 hours but not die?”
“These are the kinds of questions I’ve asked myself in the past, stuck in a tornado of negative thought, my ability for rationality sweating out through my armpits while staring at pictures of myself as a child, saying out loud, “Where did she go?”
Tammy P., “Hello all. I am writing this on the heels of the death by suicide of Robin Williams. I am 46 yrs old, and have suffered with depression since I was a preteen. I am currently in a deep depression, for the last several months I have been suffering intensely. Death is always on my mind. I am only still here for the sake of my daughter, my only saving grace, but I am a disaster. I want to leave this place once and for all, I am tired of this constant, constant struggle. I started medications which are not as effective as I had hoped, and I am still tortured. I am tired, exhausted and empty. I imagine what it will be like to leave this place, and each day I am working towards making peace with it. I can only handle each minute as it comes. I am doing the best I can. Best of luck to all the sufferers.”
“I had times when I felt terrific, better than I ever had. I felt like I could do anything I set my mind to. My productivity at work soars and I work late into the night.”
Then all of a sudden, I’m drowning in depression. I can’t get up in the morning to go to work and I feel like my life isn’t worth living. Treatment has greatly helped me to manage my bipolar disorder. Now I have an agreement with my wife–When I start showing sings of either mania or depression, my wife knows to make me an appointment with our family doctor.”
Mania is an extreme feeling of well-being, energy and optimism—you feel on top of the world. These feelings, however, can be so intense that you can lose contact with reality. You may find yourself believing strange things about yourself, making bad judgments and behaving in embarrassing, harmful and sometimes even dangerous ways. Mania can make it difficult or impossible to deal with life in an effective way. A period of mania can, if untreated, destroy your relationships and work.”
Marcia, “I just don’t know what went wrong at the end, when I thought everything was OK between us. Alright, we had our arguments like everyone else, but our relationship had got off to such a great start. I moved in with Matt 3 months after we got together, and, as he’s a director of our company, and has a pretty stressful job, I always put Matt first and dropped everything if I thought he needed me. I always made sure things ran smoothly for him, meals prepared in the evening when he got in and a clean, ironed shirt ready every morning. Then, last month, he announced he didn’t want to be with me anymore, said I was too demanding and asked me to move out.”
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1. Eleanor Morgan, This Is How It Feels to Live with Severe Anxiety, Apr 27 2015, 8:00pm, https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/bnjb53/anxiety-and-me-189
2. Tammy P., You Can’t Fight Depression on Your Own 12 August, 2014 at 4:50 pm:http://www.wingofmadness.com/you-cant-fight-depression-on-your-own/
3. Mood Disorders Association of BC, Bipolar Disorder: What does it feel like?
4. Jane McChrystal, Relationship Success and Your Attachment Style, Part 1, http://londongrip.co.uk/2011/10/success-and-your-attachment-style-1/