Not all experiences are created equal. Some take only one sitting to forgive. Others take more than one sitting. One thing to consider is rewriting your story. If we carry on the same memory, we eventually stick with the same story. When you become courageous enough to replace the old story with the new story, you open your eyes to your new personality. You realize that you wouldn’t handle things now the way you used to.
The Meaning Behind the Event
Eileen Barker, author of Forgiveness Workbook, A Step by Step Guide, talks about rewriting one’s story towards the end of the book. The idea is that when we experience something painful, it isn’t just the event that causes us pain. It’s everything. It’s how we are perceived by the others and then ourselves. It’s giving reason that “ this happened because I deserved it or it happened because I did something horrible to someone else.” It just adds more depth to the story. We turn pages into novels that become difficult to read. When you learn to rewrite your story, you become in control of the situation. Not the other way around.
Some of you might ask, how can I do that when the event was so painful? Well, it’s definitely not easy. If you are not ready to forgive, then this might not be for you yet. If you are, then you have already realized that you are only hurting yourself. The only way to heal yourself is to slowly disengage with what was and start focusing on what is. Show yourself that you can live in the present moment and that you don’t need your past to prove it. Retelling your story means to not think of yourself as a victim but as a hero that broke through major life obstacles.
Questions to Ask Yourself
Here are some things to consider when rewriting your story:
Ask yourself if you are ready to let go. If not, why not? What more do you have to do to forgive?
Is there anything that you have learned from this situation?
Do you see why it had to occur the way it did?
Moreover, forgiveness is a major topic. What I have covered in these past few articles is just a tidbit of what it’s really about. Rewriting and retelling your story is what really stuck with me when I read Eileen’s book. We don’t have to know how to forgive. Life will teach us that. The point is start somewhere and let life lead the way. This is what we call faith. Without faith, we only take in more control leading us either nowhere or to our ego.