In most people’s experience, we face a need to satisfy another’s requests without being fully aware that such felt needs originate, not from our own sense of the “right thing to do”, but are, in fact, emanations of that “other” person’s desires (and emotional requirements). In some cases they ask explicitly for or strongly hint at a favorable response from us. We are made to feel that it is our idea while it is really theirs.
In such cases, we are dealing with a narcissistic person, at the low end of the spectrum, through sociopathy to Machiavellianism at the extreme.
Here are 4 flags with which to defend yourself:
- You Will Doubt Your Own Emotions Around Them
They are able to counter anything you may say causing you to second-guess how you reacted. Because their logic is so perfect, you feel like they make more sense than basic human understanding.
- Their Charm Will Draw You In Instantly
One of the first things that drew you to this person was the fact that they were so charming. They smiled correctly, laughed at your jokes, engaged you and left you with a serious impression. As time wears on, you realize this serves as an ulterior motive, allowing them to get what they want without actually investing any real emotional energy.
- You’ll Get Completely Caught Up In Them
They can alternate between rage and small expressions of approval, which proves to be a dangerous combination. This behavior has you thinking that you can win them over if you just try harder, which produces an addictive cycle of abuse if you’re not wary.
- You’re One Of Their Only Friends
Whenever you talk about them to someone else, it’s rare that you find a mutual like for this person. Their friends are few and far between, mostly because they have a hard time keeping friends.
(Morgan-flick, Feb 10, 2014 10-signs-your-friend-is-a-sociopath)
as a callous-manipulative interpersonal style.
Psychopathy is a personality disorder which has symptoms expressed over a wide range of settings. Socially, it expresses extensive callous and manipulative self-serving behaviors with no regard for others (often concealed in a “velvet glove)”. (wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychopathy)
For expert reference, The American Psychiatric Association (2013) describes and defines both Antisocial Personality Disorder (the clinical term for what is commonly called psychopathy or sociopathy) and narcissistic personality disorder in its authoritative Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition.
Consider one writer’s take:
Sociopath Hell, “I think I am going to change the name of my website to Sociopath Hell! The reason for this is, when we are with a Narcissistic Sociopath, and even when we get away from them we are still living in a Sociopath Hell. There is an invisible inertia they create that draws us to them initially. And even when we walk away, or have been discarded, that invisible inertia still pulls us to them via our thoughts”.
Here is a son’s story:
“My father was a card-carrying narcissistic sociopath, and one of my fondest childhood memories is pulling the lever in the voting booth after he’d selected the narcissistic sociopathic candidate and then flicked me in the eyeball. On Sunday afternoons, our living room would turn into a salon, with my parents’ friends drinking coffee and discussing how to spread narcissistic sociopathic values as they slept with one another’s spouses, stole the silver and poisoned our goldfish with Drano”.
“Your first duty is to the survival needs of the self: food, water, shelter,” my father would solemnly tell me. “Your second is to the emotional needs of the self: rousing up fear and respect from your enemies and so-called allies”.
(Teddy Wayne is the author of the forthcoming novel “Loner.” The New York Times Opinion section, Aug 28, 2016)
Here is where Counseling on Demand comes in. We can help you free yourself from your controlling friend, partner, parent. Helping that person is almost impossibly difficult and most unsuccessful, but we can help you, their survivor.
You are the one that we can guide through the process.
We are online at CounselingonDemand.com, away from the prying eyes of your tormentor.
We are only a click away.