Narcissism All Around Us | 6 Keys to Recovery
Truth be told, many of us are a bit narcissistic. Narcissism is way beyond self-confidence; however, full-blown narcissism is quite destructive- not only to others, but to oneself.
Jenny Dyer1 , Those who struggle with narcissism have a grandiose sense of the self.
They believe they are special, entitled, and deserve more than everyone else around them. They take actions to better themselves, their bodies, and their egos. Their friendships are to enhance their own worth, not the other’s. They are navel gazers, constantly asking, “what is in it for me?”
Maybe you know someone like this.
Over the last decade, psychologists have been carefully studying the increasing trend of narcissism in our American culture, particularly among youth. The number of individuals diagnosed with narcissism personality disorder is growing exponentially. In fact, many researchers are calling it an epidemic.
Lion Goodman 2, I admit it: I am a recovering narcissist. Much of my life energy was spent in pursuit of what I wanted, what I needed and what I thought was best. “Narcissism” is a term from psychopathology, but it’s essentially a fancy term for extreme selfishness.
I had good relationships with great women – strong, smart sexy females who thought I was a great guy… until I suddenly withdrew, or made plans without checking with them, or took off to chase success, or an intense experience, or another woman. As long as my needs were getting met in the relationship, I was pretty happy. But when I wasn’t, I began looking around for the next opportunity to fulfill my desires.
Preston Ni3, “For narcissists who have a degree of self-awareness, there are ways to liberate oneself from the illusion of falsehood, begin the process of inner healing, and progressively move towards manifesting the real, Higher Self.
Below are six keys for narcissists to progressively attain toward the Higher Self.
- Be Aware of Boundaries and Practice Consideration
Perhaps the single most important idea to keep in mind for a recovering narcissist is to be cognizant of where the self ends, and another human being begins. Exercise greater consideration for other people’s existence, thoughts, and feelings.
- Develop and Deliver Substance
Reduce the stress, anxiety, and moral conflict (“inner nagging”) that may come with having to pretend, lie, cheat, manipulate, exaggerate, demean, malign, cut corners, take short cuts, or break promises, knowing deep down that you are not whom you make yourself out to be.
- Use Your Observer Self to Increase Mindfulness
In your relationships with people, when you suspect that your narcissistic tendencies could get the best of you, elicit the help of your Observer Self by asking one or more of the following questions:
“How is what I’m about to say or do going to come off?”
Whenever we elicit the help of our Observer Self, we’re taking a healthy look in the mirror, which may help us come across as more authentic human beings.
- Seek Help and Support
Being a pathological narcissist is often a lonely experience with few genuinely close relationships. It may be harder still to discuss inner struggles and insecurities with people in your life. As you expand in your awareness and develop, seriously consider eliciting the guidance of a qualified therapist to work with you along the way.
- Permit Self-Forgiveness
As a narcissist increases in self-awareness, there may be an accompanying sense of regret or remorse at the damage she or he has done in life, both to herself and to others. One may think of oneself as a “bad” person and wallow in guilt. During these moments, it’s extremely important to be gentle with yourself.”
- Return to Humanity
The upshot of all of the work above in self-discovery is that you may begin a steady process of returning to humanity as a more authentic person, with the ability to create healthier and genuinely loving relationships.
This is where Counseling on Demand comes in. Narcissistic recovery is a difficult issue. It requires lots of support. As Preston Ni urges, “Discuss your experience with your therapist to further your growth and healing.”
We are online at CounselingonDemand.com
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1. Jenny Dyer, PhD is the executive director of Hope Through Healing Hands, The Only Way to Heal A Narcissist,http://storylineblog.com/2015/06/12/narcissist/ 2. Lion Goodman, Confessions of a Recovering Narcissist, https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/hesaid-confessions-of-a-recovering-narcissist/ March 18, 2017 3. Preston Ni M.S.B.A.6 Keys for Narcissists to Change Toward the Higher Self (excerpted from my books: “How to Successfully Handle Narcissists” and “A Practical Guide for Narcissists to Change Towards the Higher Self”. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201410/6-keys-narcissists-change-toward-the-higher-self