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The Joys And Tribulations Of Adoption Counseling On Demand

The Joys and Tribulations of Adoption

There are more articles on the adoption process than any other topic. And that is because so many adoptive and birth parents have questions and want to understand what every step might look like. You might come across myths saying that adoption damages the child or that the adoption process is secretive. The truth is that adopted children do as well in life as children who are not adopted. This is because both the adoptive and birth parents come to the decision and the process from a place of love and a total lack of selfishness. That child is loved by all in the process!(

Not always:

Different race:
“Parents who believe they can raise their child color-blind are making a terrible mistake,” says Korean adoptee Mark Hagland, a 54-year-old journalist and adoption literacy advocate. “And it’s shocking how many people I meet still think this way. If there’s a single thing I can share with white adoptive parents [it’s to] look at the adult adoptees who have committed suicide, or who have substance abuse problems. Love was not enough for them.”

Different Culture:
Part of loving your child is seeing and loving the color of her skin—and accepting the reality that she will likely be painfully pigeonholed sometime in her life because of it. Abigail Scott, 21, is a Chinese adoptee who grew up with her single mother in what she calls the bubble of Berkeley, California. Her mother did many smart things to foster her only daughter’s connection to the land of her birth. She was active in the organization Families of Children from China. She and her daughter returned to China for a two-week trip when Scott was 12. She encouraged her daughter to apply for Chinese mentorship programs at UCal, though Scott resisted because growing up she found herself increasingly disinterested in exploring her Chinese culture. (  

Mental Health Issues:
In September 2009, 7-year-old Artyom Savelyev left Russia to live with his new adoptive family in Tennessee. Earlier this month, Artyom returned to Moscow — alone. All he had with him was a backpack and a note penned by Torry Hansen, a 33-year-old nurse and Artyom’s adoptive mother.

“I no longer wish to parent this child,” read the note, in part. The mother also reportedly said Artyom was mentally unstable.

The case has raised international furor, with Russian authorities suspending adoptions to the United States. It has also drawn attention to a rare but dark side of adoption: What happens when the bond between adoptive parents and children doesn’t form.

Parenting a child with a disability can be a source of stress and strain on marital and family relationships. Early research focused on the pathology or maladjustment in families raising a child with a disability. More recent research identified positive adjustment in families and uncovers potential difference factors when comparing adoptive and birth families raising children with special needs. Identifying specific parent and family characteristics that contribute to the adjustment to parenting a child with a disability and distinguishing between parents and families who purposely chose to adopt a child with special needs and parents and families who rear a birth child with special needs are critical for educating professionals working with expectant parents, adoptive parents, and families. Identification of these characteristics can inform professionals regarding services or interventions that may help families experiencing difficulty adjusting to a child with special needs and can also support families during the prebirth and preadoptive placement decision-making process as well as throughout the child’s life. (Cassandra L. Perry & Martha J. Henry, Journal,Marriage & Family Review)

This is where Counseling on Demand comes in. We are familiar with the adoptive scene. Marital and Family Therapy (MFT) is one of our specialties.

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I am the Founder and CEO of Counseling On Demand with a Master's Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy with over 25 years of experience in helping Individuals, Couples, Adolescents, and Families who struggle with a wide variety of Life's Challenges. I thus have developed an Array of Effective Counseling Tools and Evidenced-Based Interventions to help you towards Your Road to Better Mental Health and Wellness. You are Never Alone...I look forward to meeting with you or your family member soon!