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Burn Your Thoughts

Burn Your Thoughts

Throughout the mini-series, we have uncovered a lot on the topic of ghosting. We have looked into the disconnect with our caregivers to the deep, emotional baggage that follows through our whole lives. Sometimes, self-care such as, taking a warm bath or being with friends during difficult times may not be enough. Some people may need the extra push and take things to the next level. Getting over a heartbreak is a process. That’s why it’s important to find an activity that works for you and to do more of it.

Hence, I suggest to have a look at Solution Focused Therapy. It was created by two therapists-Steve de Shazer and his wife, Insoo Kim Berg. As the name suggests, this type of therapy follows the belief that the solution of the problem is already there. Insoo explained this therapy model further in an interview,” Instead of getting rid of the problem, we suggest to figure out what the solution already is and what the client needs to do more of in order to get to the desired outcome or the desired state in their life.” In other words, it acknowledges distress but focuses more on success.

There is one effective tool De Shazer suggests when releasing emotions. Each night, write out what’s bothering you and read it. Once you have fully cleared your head, burn the paper! This technique can be used in other areas of your life.

More so, this reminds of a fire ritual that I read in Eileen Barker’s workbook, Forgiveness Workbook: A Step by Step Guide. She entails how some people may need a full release of their problems, in which she suggests developing a ritual that can help end conflict. Similar to De Shazer’s theory, Barkers suggests to write, draw or  however you please to express yourself on paper. Then, intend to release the conflict regarding you or anyone else involved. When you are ready to completely release, light up the paper and allow it to burn completely.

Furthermore, I do need to warn you to carefully use this technique on your own discretion. Either be near a sink or window when handling this issue. Please don’t use it in a way of self-harm. If you are thinking of self-harm, please contact 911 right away, or the Crisis Text Line and speak to someone who is willing to talk to you 24/7.

Furthermore, you might wonder, how does this bring me a solution to my heartbreak? In one of my client’s experience, this technique has brought her tremendous results. She often works on herself by writing and getting to the root of the problem. Each time she re-reads her writing, she discovers something new about herself. Uncovering a new layer of the problem has helped her discover a solution to her problem.

Generally speaking, trying out a technique and sticking to what works is that idea of the game.Writing out your thoughts and burning them up is just one of many. For some people, this may be too extreme and for others it may be exactly what they are looking for. Nonetheless, we at Counseling on Demand are here for you to address all of your concerns. Therapy is just one burning click away!


I am the Founder and CEO of Counseling On Demand with a Master's Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy with over 25 years of experience in helping Individuals, Couples, Adolescents, and Families who struggle with a wide variety of Life's Challenges. I thus have developed an Array of Effective Counseling Tools and Evidenced-Based Interventions to help you towards Your Road to Better Mental Health and Wellness. You are Never Alone...I look forward to meeting with you or your family member soon!