Is monogamy dead? What of the latest on serial monogamy? We hear it from pundits, politicians and self-help authors of all stripes.
“We are all on the look out of our soul mate, the man or woman who will counter our weaknesses, amplify our strengths and provide the unflagging support and respect that is the essence of a contemporary relationship. The reality is that few marriages or partnerships consistently live up to this ideal. The result is a commitment limbo, in which we care deeply for our partner but keep one stealthy foot out the door of our hearts. In so doing, we subject the relationship to constant review: Would I be happier, smarter, a better person with someone else? It’s a painful modern quandary. Nothing has produced more unhappiness than the concept of the soul mate,” “There is always someone better around the corner—and the safety and security of marriage has morphed into boredom and stasis. The allure of willing and exciting affairs is often too hard to resist,” (Atlanta psychiatrist Frank Pittman as quoted by Polly Shulman in Psychology Today)
“Are affairs always traumatic? If we love our partner, indeed they are”, counters Dr. Johnson, “because we are wired to want to be special – irreplaceable – to a trusted other. We want to know that in our moment of need, our need will matter to another. That is, if we call, this person will be a bridge over troubled water for us. This is not immaturity. It is a survival strategy wired into your brain. Affairs violate our need for safe connection and push us into rejection and abandonment. Our brain registers rejection as a danger cue that signals that we are alone. Rejection is registered in our brain in the exact same way as physical pain” (Dr. Sue Johnson, founder of International Center for Excellence in Emotional Focused Therapy).To be fair, Dr. Pittman agrees.
We at Counseling on Demand recognize that when couples reach this point, something has been broken and in order to return to the place that brought you together in the first place, it needs to be fixed. We can help you there. Matthew Hunt, Lead Online Counselor, has pursued doctoral- level studies in emotionally focused therapy (EFT) under the tutelage of renowned Dr. Sue Johnson. As a result of his studies under Dr. Johnson and his 15+ experience, he can bring you back together with EFT and compassionate counseling.
This is where Counseling on Demand comes in. You need not go through this alone. With our support, you can get through these times.
We can help. You needn’t leave your favorite/private place. Nor must you wait for an appointment. We are there 24/7. You can begin in 24 hours or less.
You may contact us now. Your first consultation is free.
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