skip to Main Content
Effective Online Counseling...Only a Click Away! || Make an Appointment Today!
Can't Get Over Your Ex? Here's Why.

Can’t Get Over Your Ex? Here’s why.

Have you ever had a heartbreak where you dwelled on someone for a couple of months? Yes, I think it’s honest to say that we all have. But, what happens when you find it difficult to get over them? You can end up dwelling on them for years and it turns into an obsession? This is where people turn to unhealthy habits-overspending, drinking, etc. just to cope and get over somebody. Well, I say no more! It’s time to put yourself first! By transitioning your focus, and comprehending the love you have lost, you begin to ease up on yourself and slowly but surely, chip away time worth of pain.

Recently, my client reached out letting me know that she read a few of my blogs that I had posted. I’ve talked a lot about ghosting so the topic resonated with her. It’s been a year and a half that she hasn’t gotten over her ex and this concerned me. One day, she found his number that she thought she deleted and got triggered. Her anxiety amped up. She wanted to write to him so badly but didn’t. Instead, she told me, “ Matt, I just can’t get over him. It’s been a year and a half, why won’t he write to me?!” I pondered on the thought of her behavior. She was doing fine, almost closing the door shut to her ex until she found that number and her anxiety went through the roof. It’s almost as if there was unfinished business between them that she wanted to resolve but couldn’t because she had no control over his actions.

As a reader, if you find it difficult getting over ex, I want you to take my client’s example. Simply ask yourself: Am I triggered? Is there a specific thing that draws me closer to my ex? Don’t force an answer. Just simply observe the first thing that comes to mind and write it down if you need to. As you continue doing so, you’ll seek more revelations along the way. More so, the unfinished business could have been needs that haven’t been met that were once promised to be.

Expert Advice

Coach Natalie, a relationship expert, spoke about this topic on Youtube’s channel, Love Advice TV. My favorite line that she affirms is, “ You don’t need them! The person you need is you!” She further explains that the inability for one to move on has to do with them believing that they need their ex to be happy. They question their quality of life without them. Due to this concern, Coach Natalie created a simple exercise to help her clients get back on track. Make a list of your routine for the entire week from the morning you wake up  to night you go to bed. Then, identify how you are spending your time and identify some stressors. What are some things you have to modify or change completely? The purpose of this exercise is to know that if you do more of what you love, you will generate happiness and your heartbreak will start to go away.

In brief, take the attention away from your ex and back onto yourself. No one else is going to take care of you but you. For the love of God, cut yourself some slack! You’ve been going through this for a long time and you need to start easing up on yourself. At this point, provoking the blame on either them or yourself doesn’t help one bit. Take things one chunk at a time and start completing at least one task that is closer to completing your goal. Once you start feeling better about yourself, you’ll add consonants “n” and “t” to your ex and you’ll move on to the next.

I am the Founder and CEO of Counseling On Demand with a Master's Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy with over 25 years of experience in helping Individuals, Couples, Adolescents, and Families who struggle with a wide variety of Life's Challenges. I thus have developed an Array of Effective Counseling Tools and Evidenced-Based Interventions to help you towards Your Road to Better Mental Health and Wellness. You are Never Alone...I look forward to meeting with you or your family member soon!